Rationator Mirus

The Launch Date

2005-07-07T13:36:00.000-07:00

So I missed it by a day.

The official launch of my new blog, The Houstonist, intended to serve as a new way of looking at the oft-maligned energy capital of the world, takes place today.

Expect wonderfully unexpectable sights and thoughts from the megalopolist I now call home.

houstonist.blogspot.com

4th 25 "Live from Iraq"

2005-06-06T13:07:00.000-07:00

The outlets are all over this one today. "Live from Iraq" is an album written, produced, and performed by soldiers in the battlefield, and mastered upon return to Ft. Hood.

The accompanying footage on the album trailer is a must see. Perhaps if the American Citizenry were given ready access to more footage like this, we wouldn't have to occupy our time with such ground-breaking issues as whose face Michael Jackson is licking, monogamous gays, or how many cheeseburgers Paris can fuck in a single setting.

Cynical to the bitter core, indeed.

And on a more sophisticated note...

2005-05-24T06:47:00.000-07:00

In the continuing vein of important and newsworthy events that often go unreported by the western media, debka is running a story about the murder of Dale Stoffel in Iraq last December. Stoffel, a man of whom I've never heard, was operating in a capacity which I don't comprehend, and was murdered by someone for reasons I do not know. It seems the esteemed Mr. Stoffel was engaged in some manner of not-quite-above-board activities.

Nonetheless, debka has traced a very curious money trail to a bank in Beirut (where Saddam transferred his cash in January 2003), and it involves tangential elements of the former baathist regime. A random act of violence? Read the whole story here.

May the Force be with You?

2005-05-24T06:26:00.000-07:00

Not wanting to wait the remaining four days to draw the ire of he who blogs infrequently, I will simply point out the immeasurable stupidity of people. And they wonder why some have lost their faith in humanity.

And the AmJur award for Legal Writing Goes To...

2005-04-28T08:54:00.000-07:00

I just wasted a good .4 of billable time on self-study of the intracacies of international law. More specifically, the British press somehow managed to get their paws on this little piece of classified memoranda, and it is quite a fascinating peek into the machinery at play in the lead up to the Iraq war.

Comments?

c'est comme ca

2005-04-26T07:34:00.000-07:00

A very happy Passover to all the members of the tribe out there.

It appears that yon brittae has assuaged the fears of her bloglleagues and posted just under the Dedman-established guidelines for proficiency. All is well in the world.

The Rockets put it to Dallas yet again last night. So, for all of my friends in Dallas, I offer my condolences. Your team is crap.

To the Poles!

If you got the game...

2005-04-03T09:56:00.000-07:00

Alas, having the intestinal fortitude to enter the blogosphere, the soon-to-be Mrs. Stanton will necessarily have to take the good with the bad.

Having last posted on March 7, 2004, she's a mere four days from becoming a deadbeat blogger.

Time takes the Counselor's Bait

2005-03-31T19:44:00.000-08:00

This should prove interesting...

1. What is the total amount of music files on your computer?

On the home computer, fairly few. I have some cd's burned with roughly 1000 - 1500 tunes, but I no longer load them. They're poorly titled, and they make a mess of the ipod. At the office, I have several hundred legitimate mp3's. Some time ago (read, November 2002), I decided to give up on the illegal downloading gig, and now only rip CDs I've purchased and download from itunes.

2. What is the last CD you bought?

I admit I had to rack my brain about this. If, as the counselor ponders, this includes downloaded albums, then it would be Paul Wall and Chamillionaire's Get Ya Mind Correct. Say what you will about the rap game, but I maintain my eccentricity by listening to little else but classical music and hardcore rap. DJ Paul Wall and Chamillionaire are two of Houston's finest, and their 2002 collaboration has often been referred to as the best underground rap album to come out of Houston in the last five years. With rhymes like "don't blame us / for visions of princess cuts on our fingers" and "you get devoured in this game like a wildebeast / with your white gold chain and your silver piece," what's not to love? The screwed and chopped version is also a textbook exemplar of DJ Mikal Watts' talents. RIP DJ Screw.

If, in fact, this query relates to the last CD actually purchased from a brick and mortar retailer, then I think it was one night on Main Street a couple of months ago when I picked up an import copy of Leadbelly's Greatest Hits. It's a quality album, and to be able to find an import for 15 bucks is a pleasure. My favorite track, you ask? Why, of course, it would be "Roberta."

3. What was the last song you listened to before reading this message?

Track 5 off of Get Ya Mind Correct. It's been in the dash for quite a while, and it's tough to get tired of the disc.

4. Write down five songs you often listen to, or that mean a lot to you.

"Game of Pricks" by Guided by Voices. I consider it one of their best. Thankfully, I got to see them before they finally disbanded after some twenty plus years of toiling in semi-obscurity.

"The Night Chicago Died" by Paper Lace. I remember hearing this song as a child on a commercial for a solid gold 70's album on TV. It has, in recent years, become one of my karaoke knockouts, and if memory serves, I think I gave an impromptu rendition at Lee Harvey's in South Dallas last Friday.

"Oh Comely" by Jeff Mangum off the "Live at Jittery Joe's" Disc. Mangum is the central figure in the ever evolving quasi-defunct Neutral Milk Hotel. If you've never heard of Mangum or his band, you really need to check it out. Live at Jittery Joe's is a recording of an acoustic set Mangum played at a bar in Athens, GA a couple of years ago, and it is nothing short of incredible.

"Grandpa" by L'il Cap'n Travis. It's the No. 2 track off their debut disc, and one of my wife's all-time favorites. Again, if you haven't heard L'il Cap'n Travis, which is one of the finest bands to come out of Austin in the last decade, you really need to head on over to Waterloo and check it out.

"Never my Love" by the Association. It is now, and will forever be, Roberta and I's song. It doesn't get any more "means a lot to you" than that. Enough said.

5. Who are you going to pass this stick to and why?

Probably no one. I think the entirety of my sphere of influence in the blog universe has already answered it.

The Scourge of the Deadbeat

2005-03-17T07:57:00.000-08:00

I understand the existensial crisis which from which the counselor recently seems to have rebounded. In this blog-a-minute world we now live in, it is hard to keep one's focus when one's blog seemingly has none. I, too, suffer from this crisis of identity. It seems to me that the more successful blogs have a theme, or at least a catchy name.

Who the hell knows what Rationator Mirus means, anyway? In addition, it's quite a mouthful.

It is with this in mind that I recently decided to give naissance to a new blog-dentity, with the focus being the strange misadventures of a twentysomething lawyer living in the pulsating heart of the energy capital of the world. The catchy title, you ask? "Urbanscrawl," I reply.

You can then imagine my dismay to learn that the urbanscrawl url is already held by some deadbeat asshole who hasn't blogged in the last three years. And urbanscrawl.com is a British outfit that owns the URL, yet hasn't a page with either a .com or .co.uk extension. What insolence! What arrogance!

There should be a procedure whereby, after a month hiatus and the obligatory Dedman reprimand, should you continue in your deadbeat ways for over 365 days, your blog is reverted to the people of the blogosphere, to conscript, overtake, and do with what they will.

In the meantime, I suppose I will have to do this the old fashioned way: find urbanscrawl.blogspot.com, and make it an offer it can't refuse...

There's nothing in Particular

2005-03-16T07:56:00.000-08:00

It's good to see Ole' JD finally at it again, though I now have to take down the "countdown to deadbeat blogger-dom" calendat off of my wall.

I'm told there's some new fledgling blogs penned by Baylor Lawyers with whom we were classmates, and I'm trying to track them down.

In other news, the passing of the Ides of March marked the 211th anniversary of Eli Whitney's patent on the cotton gin.

Today marks the 39th anniversary of the Gemini VIII's first U.S. manned docking of 2 spacecraft in orbit.

And in ten minutes I go to the dentist for the first time since moving to Houston. I feel a bit uneasy about it, not because I possess the archetypal fear of the dentist, but because for the entirety of my existence on this small planet, I always had the same dentist. Howard Cohen, DDS, in Plano, Texas, took mighty good care of mes dents for those years, and except for a couple of visits to a local fella when we moved to the country in my youth, has held exlusive license to my grill. It is my sincerest hope that today's visit to Dr. Blum will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

And you thought the title was just a clever misnomer.

Welcome back, Counselor.

Sources Reveal Tom DeLay Actually has a Heart!

2005-03-11T07:06:00.000-08:00

R.I.P. Dr. Gonzo

2005-02-21T08:59:00.000-08:00

A strange underbelly of American counterculture mourns today over the suicide of Dr. Hunter S. Thompson. A one time sports journalist who finagled himself into the upper reaches of the literary world, Dr. Thompson was found dead of a self-inflicted gunshot wound at the Woody Creek Owl Farm over the weekend.

Thompson's suicide, although saddening, seems somewhat befitting of a man who built his career on the defiance of convention. His work inspired many writers, myself included, to remember always that the world is best viewed with a sideways glance. His death, far from tragic, is actually long overdue. Alas, the path of excess lead to the palace of wisdom.

"We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave. So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost see the high-water mark -- the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back."
- Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas: A Savage Journey to the Heart of the American Dream

Goodnight, fair doctor.

When You're "Against Us"

2005-02-13T15:21:00.000-08:00

I don't want to give the impression that I'm an imperialist war monger, but I was sent this link by the good doctor last week, and I have to admit it is a thing to fear and behold.

2005-02-07T11:48:00.000-08:00

There is absolutely no connection between Saddam and September 11. He just liked it an awful lot, and that's enough to officially qualify as "against us."

And then...

2005-01-11T17:26:00.000-08:00

Well folks, all those wacky leftist prognosticators and neoconservative hacks are apparently in agreement on one thing. Debka is reporting that General Casey, commander of US forces in Iraq, has been given orders to begin operations against Syria.

It's looks like we're in it for the even longer haul. Maybe we'll find those WMDs after all...

Milestone

2005-01-11T17:23:00.000-08:00

I sit here this evening, busily preparing for the second day of my first official trial. Of course, it's not my case, and I'm merely second chair, but I did give the opening statement (must remember to breathe next time), and will be taking the defendant on direct examination tomorrow.

I guess all these months of bellyaching that I never get to try cases will have to come to an end. Now, it's time to bag the elephant, so to speak.

On the Tsunami

2004-12-27T20:16:00.000-08:00

Like many Americans, I awoke Sunday morning to the news of a tremendous disaster, yet could not know the full extent of the destruction, and still do not. My thoughts go out to the people the world over who are affected by the worst natural disaster of our lifetime.

Of course, now the media outlets are sending their minions to the airports in the countries worst-hit by the disaster in hopes of scoring some prime home video footage of the tsunami as it approached the mainland. Rest assured that we can count on each newer and more grisly video find being spun over and over again until we can no longer stand it, or at least until the American viewing public demands a return to the subjects most important to it: Amber Frey and US Magazine.

What I find interesting is that there was another huge quake off the southern coast of Australia, a mere 3 days before the quake that spawned the wave. The USGS reports a magnitude 8.1 of the coast of Macquarie Island on December 23, 2004. Nothing has been said in the reports of any link between the two, but given the relative proximity of the two seismic events, wouldn't one suspect there'd be?

Ross, if you're reading this, go with God, mi hijo.

Then it begins

2004-12-16T11:52:00.000-08:00

As I sit here in my comfortable perch some 170 feet above U.S. 59, the pilot episode of "Lost" is slowly but steadily downloading onto my ReplayTV.

Those of you who read this blog (the one of you, kind of) will be all too familiar with my disdain for the much ballyhooed and far inferior TiVo. Internet video sharing, you say? Can you do that, TiVo?

The revolution is already well underway...

Variegated Musings

2004-12-14T06:01:00.000-08:00

There's been quite some time since my last post, but by my calculations, I'm making it under the wire by some nine days...

When will the counselor recieve his Birthday / Chrismuhannakwanzaakah present? And what will he do with it when he does? I can only hope that it gets at least one close listening before being relgated to its place among the other 10,000 tunes on his little white piece of silicon exuberance.

I watched the sun rise over the East Houston refineries this morning, and I have to say the dirty Houston air makes for a spectacular show.

Even though I get to play a free round of golf this afternoon at Meadowbrook Farms, a Greg Norman-designed track out in the suburban wasteland of Katy, Texas, I still wish I was in the Himalaya.

Carribean Death Grippe

2004-11-23T09:37:00.000-08:00

Just in time to save myself from the moniker which dare not speak its name, the newly anointed Mrs. Nordstrom and I have returned from a fabulous honeymoon in sunny Jamaica. Everything went smoothly, with the small exception of the horrible throat infection I developed on Thursday last.

Have not been able to return to work, and there will likely not be a post forthcoming, as I am turning in my cable modem to Time Warner today in advance of the combination of our households. As soon as I have a new connection up and running, I will post several of the 300MB of photos we took in that island paradise.

And to those who have not had the good fortune of visiting Jamaica, I say this: go as soon as you can. Irie, mon.

Out.

Now is the winter of our discontent...

2004-11-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

I don't have the time or the energy to join the fray at this point. Therefore, my punditry will be fairly concise.

Word on the street is that my good friend, and Baylor Law School Alumnus, Joshua Zive, has been retained by BBC World Service to provide commentary on election law during tonights coverage. Those who have access to either BBC America TV or BBC World Service Radio (online streaming available) are encouraged to tune in between the hours of 6 pm and 3 am EST.

It's almost eleven o'clock here. I'm going to get a taquito.

2004-10-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

I know what you're thinking, and up close they look to have healed quite well.

What??!!

2004-10-14T07:22:00.000-07:00

Debka is reporting today that the UK has now frozen the assets of the terrorist group that beheaded British hostage Kenneth Bigley. Only after Bigley was killed were the assets frozen?!

So much for not negotiating with terrorists.

Who Knew?

2004-10-11T06:34:00.000-07:00

IMDB.com is reporting that Richard Linklater, Austinite and director of such works as Slacker and School of Rock, is being sued by three of his former classmates for his use of their surnames in the 1993 cult classic Dazed & Confused.

According to the report "...after enduring jokes over characters based on them in Dazed & Confsused, Richard Floyd, Andy Slater and Bobby Wooderson claim Linklater never asked them if he could use their surnames for characters in the cult film. The men say they have been viewed in a different light by neighbors and friends ever since the 1993 movie, about a group of alcohol and drug-consuming students on the last day of school in 1976, was released. Slater's lawyer Ernest Freeman says people assume his client takes illegal narcotics because of the marijuana and Lsd-loving character, played by Rory Cochrane, in Dazed and Confused. And Floyd, who now works at a car showroom in Huntsville, Texas, says, "We had fun in high school, but there is nothing true about that movie. Yet I am having to deal with it all the time."

I smell a statute of limitations problem here, but I could be wrong.

An Experiment in Qualified Privilege

2004-09-28T08:30:00.000-07:00

What happened at Sue's No. 2?

This run-down gin joint became a favorite to Dedman and I our last year in law school. Located just across La Salle from the sprawling mega-campus, Sue's No. 2 (not to be confused with Sue's No. 1), always offered cheap beer, cheap pool, and some of the best people watching in the 76710. Although not the kind of people one would watch in the more cosmopolitan locales in the world, it was regular entertainment nonetheless.

One particularly amusing anecdote comes from after the counselor's graduation and exodus from Waco. I had conned my friend Rubin and his then girlfriend, Meredith, into accompanying myself and Roberta on a visit to this esteemed establishment. John and I arrived early, and, upon the entrance of the ladies, every dirty biker girl's head turned to scowl at them. Apparently, they must have felt threatened by women with teeth and clean hair.

There was a band playing that night. It was probably the house band "Point 08" (get it?) I vividly remember the imposing looking fellow who stood about 6' 2" and wore a t-shirt reading "I fuck Goats." Clearly, he must have been a seminary student.

At some point in the evening, this man's lady friend got into it with another lady, and when a third gentleman tried to intervene, the self-proclaimed goat-fucker responded with a barrage of fists. As the pummeling quickly began to escalate, we all watched intently, until I caught the tell-tale flash of the blade, and I recommended we extricate ourselves from the establishment for the night.

But this is not the tale of woe to which I refer. Rather, it is another story. During a break in the interviews at Baylor last Friday, my co-worker, Spencer, and I were discussing our years at Baylor. Spencer also attended Baylor undergrad, so he spent a combined seven years in that charming city by the Brazos. When I mentioned Sue's No. 2, he immediately gave a look in horror, and began to regale me with this tale:

When Spencer was a pledge during his early days at Baylor, it was widely understood that Sue's No. 2 was a safe hangout for him and his fellow pledges. Apparently, it was the sort of place where they could be sure not to run into any actives. As pledges, you see, they were forbidden to drink.

With this in mind, one of Spencer's friends went to Sue's one evening for a frosty beverage. At some point, probably as he was leaving, he was kidnapped at gunpoint and taken away in a van with no windows. His abductors took him to an undisclosed location on the west side of town, where they tied him to a chair and beat him. Every so often, the ringleader would return, do a bunch of coke, and wave a knife in front of his face and tell him that he would shortly be killed. This continued into the wee hours of the morning, the young man being repeatedly told that he would soon meet a gruesome end as his captors continued to inhale illicit substances and play with weapons. Sometime after this had gone one for a while, the young lad managed to free the ties that bind (so to speak). The next part of the story is unclear. His captors returned with a rag and told him to wipe the blood of his face. I guess they were too coked up to notice his hands were already free. In any event, they left him with the rage, and he wiped the blood off his face, and made a run for it. Not knowing where he was in town, he dropped the bloody rag in front of the door (which would later prove more useful than breadcrumbs) and ran off into the night. Eventually he reached a haven from where he could phone the police. The cops arrived, and he led them back to the house where he had dropped the bloody rag. Arrests were made, and it turned out that the ringleader who had been threatening the young man was wanted for murder.

Moral of the story: although Sue's No. 2 is good for people watching and cheap beer, sometimes the patrons actually want to kill you.

Hail to thee...

2004-09-25T08:43:00.000-07:00

I returned to my alma mater yesterday to interview potential summer clerks. Thankfully, we were able to spare ourselves the physically demanding road trip we had last year, as we opted to beign interviews at 11:00, and were able to leave Houston around 7:45.

The campus has changed quite a bit in the short time I've been gone, owing mainly to Dr. Robert Sloan's 2012 plan, and the generosity of a certain Astros owner named Drayton.

Also intriguing was a harrowing tail of despicable villany regarding a local watering hole, Sue's No. 2, of which the counselor and I were quite fond. I am working on verifying the facts prior to blogging, as we now live in a era which prides itself upon instant gratification rather than quality journalism, and we must fight this trend with all we have...

Episode VII: Lucas v. The World

2004-09-21T07:34:00.000-07:00

The counselor has a much better compendium of information and observations on today's release of the much- ballyhooed Holy Trilogy on DVD than I can hope to muster on one cup of coffee with limited time.

George Lucas is the devil.

Good Morning Afghanistan

2004-09-09T07:38:00.000-07:00

If you have the chance, and you have DirectTV, you must check out this documentary on the LINK channel.

Once More Into the Fray

2004-08-30T11:27:00.000-07:00

I feel compelled, having witnessed first hand the cinematic genius that is Alien v. Predator, to join the ongoing debate over the film.

To begin with, I have to say that I had zero expectations for this movie. With this framework in mind, I trudged to the Edwards Palace with my long time, crap-movie companion Trevor Thomas. Trevor and I have a history of making an effort to see movies we are fairly convinced will suck, but still hold out some shred of hope will surpass even the lowest of expectations.

In this regard, I must confess that AVP did just that.

It's not a good movie in the UTRTF/Danish minimalist obsessed manner, but I thought it entertaining.

THe movie begins, appropriately enough, with a scientist (presumably) sitting in front of about 1000 screens that suddenly start making an alarm sound and flashing "alert," who has to say to the other scientist in the room, "hey, look at this!"

It is then that were introduced to the crap-heroine of the film, Alexa Woods, played by Sanaa Lathan, who has taken a career downturn since her breakout performance in "Catfish in Black Bean Sauce." Woods is an ice junkie, and we first meet her as she's scrambling up an icefall in Nepal, and is startled when her cell phone begins to ring. Personally, I was startled that her cell phone worked so well in the Himalaya, but that's just one of myriad inconsistencies. Her character is transparent and predictablly self-righteous, but I didn't go see the movie for the character develpoment. I went for the ass-kicking.

There was plenty of ass-kicking.

SPOILERS HERE:

We learn that human civilization has been shaped by the Predators in a very convenient instant translation of ancient hieroglyphs by the resident egyptologist of the bunch. Apparently, thousands of years ago, the predators came to this "back water planet" and taught humans how to build. Ergo, pyramid structures in Egypt, Pre-Colombian Central America, and Cambodia. After teaching us to build, the race of hunters began to use humans as hosts for the ultimate prey, the Aliens. They would come around every hundred years or so, have the humans incubate a new crop of Aliens, and then engage the Aliens in combat. If overpowered, the predators would simply employ the ole' wristband nuclear device and wipe out entire civilizations.

Fast forward to the present day:

It's Antarctica, and a pyramid bearing elements of all three ancient civilizations' building techinques is discovered below the ice. Billionaire tycoon Weyland (played with subtle curiousity by Lance Henriksen - there's a funny moment when we briefly see him do Bishop's hand/knife trick) assembles a crack team to go down to the pyramid so he can be remembered for something after he dies (which we soon learn, is impending). Of course, the team is merely lured into a trap to become host bodies for the recently awakened Alien daddy.

The team is suspicious (for a millisecond) upon reaching the dig site, only to realize that someone (not even thought to be something) has already done this for them. The viewer, in all their omniscience, knows that the predators did this. The crew descends down the perfectly cut 30 degree tunnel into the pyramid chamber, and the real fun begins.

Enter the predators, who systematically slay all the humans until only our heroine is left. She and the remaining predator form a bond of warriorship so ridiculously concocted, you almost expect the inevitable embrace in the end. Fortunately, the only sign of endearment is when he burns her face with acid. Then, the plot thickens in the most predictable way imaginable, while our heroine is left alone on the polar ice cap with very little clothing on, all the while not shivering at all. Must be her new-found warrior ethos of the Dalton-esque "pain don't hurt" persuasion.

END SPOILERS

Many questions abound. We know from the first Alien that humans had never encountered Aliens before. This can be resolved by the explanation that no one tells about the encounter.

We do know that mankind knows a lot about the predators. Not only did Arnold do battle with them in the jungle, but Gary Busey spent his life trying to trap one. And Danny Glover survived after the predators terrorized LA and cut a wide swath through the town on their way out. Surely the "legend" continued. Why then are the creme de la creme of the scientific community completely befuddled at the sight of these active-camoflaged behemoths? Wouldn't billioinaire science guy know about them?

Why is it that the team has to use flashlights for only the first 30 minutes of the movie? Presumably, the pyramid cave doesn't get any less dark.

Why do predators kill everybody, when they're only supposed to want to kill warriors?

Why did Ripley's people never figure out that Alien shells are impervious to Alien acid-blood? Wouldn't Newt have figured that out? Why don't you put her in charge?

Like I say, the questions abound, and we can debate the merits forever. I liked the movie, although it fundamentally sucked. And I was impressed with the director's ability to make what was at times a thoroughly frightening movie without having to resort to the ultraviolence of the first Predator or Aliens. There were some enjoyable slow-mo scenes we haven't had the enjoyment of yet in the genre.

And I must take issue with the League's bashing of Event Horizon, which, I felt, while not a great movie, certainly probed some interesting and frightening science ficition issues. I hate Sam Neill, but I thought the movie was downright terrifying the first time I saw it. I wonder if, consumed by its disdain, the League noticed that Paul W.S. Anderson directed both Event Horizon and AVP?

Which, incidentally, butresses Mr. Thomas' suspicion before the movie. While watching the preview for the new Resident Evil movie starring that master of the English lexicon, Milla Jovavich (note to hollywood: she's scary and annoying. stop trying to make her a sex symbol), Trevor questioned whether there had ever been a good video game movie adaptation. Apart from Mortal Kombat I (an okay flick), our answer was a resounding no. It is no suprise then, that Paul W.S. Anderson has been responsible for an overwhelming lot of them.

Overall, I would say that the movie is worth seeing in the theatre if only for the sheer spectacle of it. That, and it's got the guy with the scar on his face from Braveheart.

Bill Underwood, Attorney at Law

2004-08-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

While pursuing unrelated activities today on the website of my fair alma mater, Baylor Law School (incidentally, the counselor's and the fiance's alma mater as well), I came across this announcement.

Prof. William Underwood is the head of the more-than-famous "dreaded Practice Court Program." I was one of the lucky few who had "the 'Wood" for both Civil Procedure and Practice Court. The experience as a One-L of being hazed by such an imposing figure left an indelible impression on all of us, and no doubt helped to shape my legal acumen in a not insignificant manner.

I recall the first time 'Wood mentioned this case to us in our first quarter. His client, Alberto Valdez, by all accounts a mentally retarded man with the mental capacity of a child, stood accused of murdering a police officer in Corpus Christi. Apparently, the lawyer for the accused slept through part of the trial, and Mr. Valdez was convicted and sentenced to death. The first time we, as young law students, came to know of the case, was when 'Wood stood in front of our class and read the opinion of the United States Court of Appeals for the 5th Circuit granting his client a new trial. Thereafter, the case came to be regarded as something of a cause celebre to those who schooled at Underwood's hand.

Our esteemed professor always sought to instill in his students a sense of duty to serve those who haven't the means to afford representation, and he led by example - contributing some 15 years of pro bono services to a man who, but for the efforts of Underwood and Jeff Levinger, would likely have shuffeld off his mortal coil some years ago on a cold steel table in Huntsville.

For a man who made his fair share of sports cars over the years through his various legal endeavours, I nonetheless wholeheartedly accept as honest and forthright his assertion that he considers obtaining the commutation of his client's death sentence as the high point of his legal career.

And to that I say "job well done, counselor."

White House West

2004-08-18T07:57:00.000-07:00

Will Ferrell is at it again. This commercial sponsored by America Coming Together is downright hilarious.

Crescent Update

2004-08-14T10:56:00.000-07:00

Charlie Crain reports James Brandon has been released.

More News from the Crescent

2004-08-13T06:04:00.000-07:00

My man in Baghdad, Charlie Crain, reports today that his friend is the journalist who was kidnapped in Basra.

Is there ever an end to this madness?

Stanton the Altruist

2004-08-12T08:02:00.000-07:00

My friend and classmate from Baylor Law, James Stanton, has taken it upon himself to run the Maui Marathon. He is doing this in an effort to raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. There was a time when Ole' Stanton was a Houstonian that he talked me into running a 5K. Never again, unless I'm being chased by a ravenous wildebeast.

Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is the need to set a couch along the route, heckle the runners, and catch a really big f***in fish that I beat to death with my Fijian war hammer.

I've been Redeemed . . .

2004-08-03T07:19:00.000-07:00

That's right folks, the old, not so-original Texas Jewboy has seen the light. Last night I watched the Passion of the Christ. I am now, and shall forever be, consumed by the holy fire.

But seriously.

All things considered, and all "Mel Gibson for the Papacy" lunatic vitriol aside, it wasn't a very good movie. I thought that the characters were shallow and predictable. I thought Pilate was treated with kid gloves, and I overwhelmingly felt as though I was watching Braveheart in Jersusalem. Pilate = Robert the Bruce; Caiphus = Longshanks; Jews/Romans = dirty drunken british.

Also, I take issue with Gibson's overuse of colored lighting constantly fading in and out - oh, wait a minute - that must have been the bootleg copy my buddy picked up at the So' Houston Flea Market.

Is the movie anti-semitic (which is the burning question that grossed 700 million worldwide)?

Yes, because not only are the Jews the bad guys, but the elders are, by and large, all assholes. Anti-semitic in the sense that Happy Gilmore was anti-moustachioed, or Rad was anti-Bart Connor.

"So say goodnight to the bad guy."

TIVO Alert

2004-07-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

The folks over at Wired Mag have done it again. This time, they've finally run a full-page comparison of four different DVR platforms: TiVo, ReplayTV, Windows Media Center, and a fourth I can't recall. I would link to the story, but they haven't posted the August issue.

In any event, after concluding that TiVo's audio & video quality is far inferior to Replay, but that TiVo has a better interface (apparently someone out there likes the blipblipblip), the reviewers award both platforms four out of 5 stars.

Then, to add insult to injury, is the "wired/tired" review:

Tivo: Wired - user interface; Tired - poor A/V quality, broadband adaptor must be purchased separately.

Replay TV: Wired - better A/V; Tired - interface not as pretty

My question is this: shouldn't the editor's of a mag like "Wired" (which, but is very name, implies some measure of deification of connectivity) be interested in elevating the platform which more readily embraces broadband?

Not to mention that the story casually omits last month's report of the now-free TiVo web service. Paying for something as intutitively "wired" as web-based recording is hopelessly "tired."

I guess the folks behind the curtain are as easily distracted by bright colors, fancy buttons, and, above all else, mighty marketing moxie.

Revenge of the Lucas

2004-07-26T06:46:00.000-07:00

It's official. Lucasfilm has announced that Episode III will be named "Revenge of the Sith." I will not allow myself to be excited about the film, nor do I eagerly anticipate its release.

This movie will suck as bad as the last two. Perhaps they should have called it "Revenge of the Box Office."

Another weekend, another wedding

2004-07-25T15:24:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Strickland & Elizabeth, the newly crowned "Mr. & Mrs. Tudor." A short drive to Nacogdoches for the wedding, and a lovely old hotel, the Fredonia. It was both of our first time in the "Oldest City in Texas," and both Hoover and I couldn't help noticing that all the restaurants on the way out of town were distinctively malodorous. In Nac's defense, we only stopped at two.

Along the way 'Ole Lance Armstrong picked up another Tour de France. Congratulations to him, at least. Just take it slow, Jimmy Rain, and don't forget your schooling.

Reluctantly Unprofound

2004-07-20T07:10:00.000-07:00

Not a deadbeat. Simply overwhelmed at times by the supposed need for profundity. Good to see that Pleadings is moving along. I myself would have attended the party scene, had a 3:30 wake up for the Alfred C. Koenig Memorial Fishing Tournament not rendered me an invalid, and had the prospect of a 40 hour liquid binge leading to my (now negative) colonoscopy the following day not been quite so looming.

Another long week

2004-07-09T07:34:00.000-07:00

Simon and Garfunkel rocked Wednesday night, and our seats were awesome. I got some good pirate footage on my trusty Canon A80, which netted some truly remarkable sound.

The lady and I saw Dodgeball over the weekend, and I must say, it wasn't very good. Another in a long line of over the top characters Stiller can nail to his wall. Christine Taylor is hot. Especially in leather.

As I write this, there is a group of protestors on a hunger strike sponsored by the Palestinian-American Congress. You see, the Israeli Consulate is a mere two floors below my feet, and there are hundreds of thousands of people in the world (Jews and Gentiles alike) who think the Israeli wall is a monumentally stupid idea. The hunger strikers assembled yesterday afternoon, and judging by the view to the south, they're in for a wet afternoon. Word on the street is the Hague Court is set to rule against Israel on the issue some time today.

I'll be going under the knife in a few days. What for? You'll just have to tune back in later...

Another Reason TiVo Sucks

2004-07-02T15:07:00.000-07:00

Besides the annoying blip blip blip sound, I was reading in Wired this month that TiVo now has a download program that enables you to set recordings from the web, and upload photographs to the unit for viewing on your TV. The program used to cost $99, a princely sum when considered with the $200-$300 purchase price plus $250 for lifetime activation. However, TiVo, to their credit, now offers the upgrade for free.

I guess someone told them that both of these features are standard on ReplayTV. Well done, ye of mighty marketing moxey. Well done, indeed.

So much going on this week

2004-07-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

This week seemed to last forever. The week began with the surprise revelation that the June 30th handover took place ahead of schedule. I thought that was quite brilliant on the administration's part. My docent admiration soured the 600th time Fox News plastered the Bush - Condi note regarding the handover on the screen.

Saddam had a pretrial hearing, and much of the country awoke Thursday to his Pentagonp-sanitized visage gracing their televisions. Then, for the next day and a half, the mainstream media was making a ruckus about Saddam's defiance, as if they expected Saddam to simply capitulate and accept the tribunal's authority. "I would almost have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling American's and your dog."

But it's Friday now, with a three day weekend of no travelling ahead, and it should prove a good time. This is our first 4th in Houston, as last year we were on a party barge on Lake Travis for Independence Day. I'm thankful that it didn't capsize.
Looking back, it seems we've come a long way on this elliptic. At one point on the boat, our fireworks viewing adventure ruined by senseless calendar manipulation, all 50+ poeple on board spontaneously began singing the Star Spangled Banner in the middle of the lake. I like to think our voices resonated across the waves to the people in the mansions on the hills. I like to think we still believe. I'd like to think we'd all sing just as loudly today.

Meanwhile, on the Western end of the Iberian Peninsula, Euro Cup 2004 is rolling along - although you wouldn't know it to watch sports in North America. Yesterday, Greece upset Czech Republic to earn the coveted second spot in the finals against Portugal Sunday. Portugal is the host country, and both teams are making their debut in the Euro Cup Final.

Next week will also be interesting, what with a summary judgment hearing on Tuesday, and Simon & Garfunkel Wednesday night.

Okay Directive

2004-06-28T20:27:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to Teal and Kelly on a remarkable wedding. Teal's family really did the place up since last we visited, and the result was a memorable time for all. Once again, the college crew managed to frighten off another family - folks just can't seem to maintain in the face of a herd of twentysomethings engaged in a fierce, self-indulgent bacchanalia replete with sparagmos and omphagia the likes of which Gonzales won't see until the return of the 30-year Cicada.

The best part was, thanks to Blake, my travelling companion and I were able to skip out on the much-feared bus ride home. We did however, enjoy a comical sight upon passing the bus in a field nearly an hour down the road, with all the passengers scrambling for somewhere to relieve themselves. Mind-boggling, indeed.

The weather held, and the ceremony was short, and the rest of the weekend was a whirlwind. I'm resting comfortably now in a low-stimulus environment. Tomorrow I get to go play traffic lawyer in College Station.

In other news, the march of Pleadings persists, despite opposition from the gods.

Persevere.

Teal & Kelly

2004-06-25T16:13:00.000-07:00

Off to Austin this weekend to attend the wedding of a friend from college. Teal has been with Kelly as long as I've known her, and I say its about damn time.

Teal's family has a ranch in Gonzales, and they are bussing the attendees from Austin. I don't think the ride out to the wedding will pose any significant difficulties, but I'm interested to see how the rowdy college crew handles the return leg. I anticipate quite a spectacle from the youngsters.

I've been to the ranch before, but this trip is more nostaglic (FZ), having read a book on the history of the Texas revolution. Apparently the Mexican army had an outpost at Gonzales with a fierce cannonade, and the Texans capture of the cannons played a significnt role in emboldening the revolt. If memory serves, I believe the Mexicans recaptured them, but the Texans captured them a subsequent time.

Either way, the posts will likely be sporadic, Counselor.

Bexar-zerker

2004-06-23T07:38:00.000-07:00

Back in San Antonio again, and with some time between this morning's hearing and the deposition at 11:00.

Got here late last night and met with the Krazy Kraut for beers at Dick's (only place with food open that late on the Riverwalk.) My hotel is on the river, and its just a couple of blocks from the Courthouse - although you never would have known it from the circuitous route I took this morning. Reminds me of the time Melbotis was bugged in the park.

Time and weather permitting, I'm going to try and get a round in at Brackenridge this afternoon.

Adios, amigos!

My vote for 2004 Mellies

2004-06-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

Here's my nominations for the 2004 Mellie Awards

1) Most loathsome celebrity
a. Jessica Simpson - not only is she brain-dead, but she has no musical talent. All the more reason to give her a TV show.
b. Courtney Love - it's like watching a train wreck.

2) Most loathsome television program
a. Survivor - never have, never will
b. American Idol - never have, never will

3) Most loathsome movie
a. Lost in Translation - Best comedy of the year? Unless the idea was that the idea was lost in translation, this movie sucked.
b. The Passion of the Christ - haven't seen it, but Christ died for you.

4) Most loathsome band/album/ song
a. Every band on the radio that isn't Outkast.
b. Anything by former mouseketeers. I thought we moved past that with Beach Blanket Bingo.

5) Worst idea of the past 6 months
a. The kid in Lubbock who drank poison.
b. This radio promo.

6) Best television commercial
a. This funny car commercial
b. The Screaming Kid in the Grocery Store Birth Control Commercial

7) Clearest, bluest day
a. April 3, 2004. Although it was a bit cloudy in Central Park, 'tis a day that will shine forever.
b. Sunday, May 31, 2004. A wonderful 2 hour round of golf.

8) Best candy
a. M&Ms.
b. Whatchamacalit

9) Least tragic event.
a. The long-anticipated death of Ronald Reagan.
b. The Siege of Fallujah.

10) Worst blog topic at "League of Melbotis."
a. Anything to do with new comic hero logos.
b. Anything to do with new comic hero uniforms.

11) Best name for Jill's forthcoming child.
a. Atreyu - boy
b. Evangeline - girl

12) Best item at Taco Bell
a. Double Decker Taco
b. Beef taco, no lettuce

13) Most loathsome Democratic presidential nominee
a. Wesley Clark - paper general, paper candidate
b. Albert "Al" Hamburg - Crazy MF from Wyoming

14) Best book you read
a. Inside Al Qaeda by Rohan Gunaratna
b. Memoirs of U.S. Grant (in progress)

15) Other blogs of wonder
a. Electronic discovery blogs
b. The chinese sex-blog that caused a ruckus in the republic.

16) Which former POTUS (President of the United States) do you know least about, but want to know more?
a. Zachary Taylor - Mexican - American war General, recruited Cpt. Jack Hays' Texas Ranger company, much to the dismay of thousands of inhabitants of Northern Mexico.
b. Chester A. Arthur - former customs inspector of New York, bought Presidency with Tammany Hall money.

b.

Shinnecock at Dusk

2004-06-20T16:25:00.000-07:00

The Old Phil Mickleson reared his ugly head on the 71st hole of the U.S. Open, and handed the title to South Africa's Retief Goosen. It was nice to see a short course (sub 7000 yds) eat so many professionals' lunch.

I'm adding Coyote Fun to the blogroll, a military wife who is or may be attending Baylor Law for three years of pain and relevant discomfort. Consequently, being fairly close to Ft. Hood, there were always quite a few students who were either married to servicemembers, or on some kind of military scholarship. Cpt. John B. LeJeune, my moot court partner (we were robbed), was a tank commander in the Army, served in the middle east, and is a damn fine American. He now practices with a plaintiff's firm in Waco, across the street from my old apartment.

Best of luck, Coyote. Trust no one.

Fundrous Warblies

2004-06-17T07:07:00.004-07:00

I was checking out Saludares' blog at the behest of the counselor's reference to the beleaguered law student's dating woes. I would not say that I was one of the more prolific law school bachelors, but I am scheduled to marry my greatest success story in November.

But this is unrelated. Among the links found on his page, Saludares references Baylor Law: Where Fun Goes to Die. While the creation of the tagline is credited to Kevin Rogers, professor of family law and securities, I was nonethelss instrumental in creating the T-shirt bearing the slogan, which has gained some measure of cult status. I recently met a Baylor lawyer from the late 70's who commented about seeing the shirt when last he visited our alma mater. Paperwork and nostalgia, I tell ya.

Additionally, Saludares praises Waco as the birthplace of Jennifer Love Hewitt. Anybody who lived in Waco in the post Po5 years knew this tidbit of the history of the Heart O' Texas. However, I was curious to see what kinds of other gems imdb might have on the famous sons and daughters of Waco. We all knew that Steve Martin owed his naissance to the biggest small town in Texas, but who knew Terence Malick did as well?

Long Day's Journey

2004-06-09T07:05:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of the dedicated defense attorney, yesterday was a long day on the road. Beginning at 5:30 a.m., I hopped on I-10 with my boss for a trip to San Antonio. We both had meetings - his lasted fifteen minutes and mine an hour and a half. It makes timekeeping easy when you leave at the same time in the a.m. at which you return in the p.m.

I like San Antonio. It has a more continental feel to it than any other city in Texas, and the Mexican/Spanish influence is felt throughout the city.

Originally, I had intended to play Brackenridge Park, an 18 hole municipal course designed in the 20's by A.W. Tillinghast. I have a great fondness for the game of golf, and the history of Texas golf is quite intriguing to me. Tillinghast, you may note, also created such other notable courses as Baltusrol, Bethpage State Park, and Winged Foot. Any student of the great Harvey Penick knows about the history of Texas golf as played at Brackenridge.

But alas, the great attractor had other plans, and my round for nostalgia will have to wait.

Errata

2004-06-01T13:42:00.000-07:00

What once was Samantha Ryan has now become Samantha Kate.

Just like a Gemini...

Samantha Ryan Hoover

2004-05-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

Welcome to a mad mad world, Sam Rain. 29.5.2004, 6 lbs 13 oz.

Thanks be to the Counselor

2004-05-24T10:23:00.000-07:00

The trend continues. Recently received and atop my desk at this very instant is the good counselor's present this year for the anniversary of my birth. This year? None other than a compendium of arguably the finest American cinema of the latter half of the twentieth century.

And to answer my earlier question: What weighs two pounds and hails from Lexington, KY?
Answer: Roger Corman Classics; Pam Grier, Uncaged. The four disc set includes the following: The Arena ("See wild Women Fight to the Death"); Big Doll House ("They Caged their Bodies...But not their Desires!"); Women in Cages ("Boiling Passions Confined Behind Concrete Walls."); and The Big Bird Cage ("Women so hot with desire they melt the chains that bind them.")

It is a true friend, indeed, who keeps another's DVD collection on the cutting edge. Thanks, JD.

In other news, am filled with giddy excitement over my latest (and only second overall) ebay purchase, two floor tickets to Simon & Garfunkel in Houston on July 7. On the cheap, as well.

What's a Henway?

2004-05-24T06:41:00.000-07:00

Fiar Dedman has been repeatedly taunting me with promises of birthday accolades this afternoon. What could it all mean? What weighs two pounds and comes from Lexington?

Updating....

2004-05-20T08:20:00.000-07:00

I've got a big lizard in my backyard / and I can't afford to feed it any more

2004-05-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

My sources tell me these guys actually intended the swastika as a symbol of peace and prosperity (pre-WWII). The archaeologists were very sketchy when asked about it....

Spaceflight Milestone

2004-05-18T08:22:00.000-07:00

Congratulations to the Civilian Space Exploration Team on the first successful flight of an amateur-built rocket into space. BBC is reporting that the 6.5m rocket lifted off from the Nevada desert yesterday, and after a 14 second burn, reached 100km in altitude - the official boundary of space.

If memory serves (from the Discovery Channel), in addition to the triumph of primacy, the team will also reap a considerable financial reward.

A considerably more successful launch than my 12th grade physics experiment in Mr. Khan's class, which, after being hastily constructed with Elmer's glue the morning of the launch (of course I didn't forget the assignement), the Scramble1 reached an altitude of approximately 8 feet before disintegrating. I reaped no financial reward.

2004-05-17T08:55:00.000-07:00

Abstract Gibson Hollow-Body Impressionism

TRIO does it again

2004-05-17T06:32:00.000-07:00

Just a few days after it made mention on this blog, TRIOTV came through with a Friday night showing of, you guessed it, Caged Heat. Chicks in jail? How can you go wrong?

Directed by Jonathan Demme, Caged Heat tells the tale of a young vixen who is thrown into a rough chick prison, only to become buddies with the most unlikely of inmates. Clearly then, this film ranks among the top of the list compared with Demme's other also-rans such as Silence of the Lambs, Philadelphia, Something Wild, and the big-screen adaptation of Toni Morrison's Beloved.

GB43 says "Bring it on, Dad!"

2004-05-14T12:07:00.000-07:00

I would like to begin the post by saying that I like the President. Don't always agree with his policies or actions (in fact, rarely), but I cannot bring myself to hate him with the veracity exhibited by those supposed "intelligentsia" who occupy the furthest reaches of the larboard wings.

It is with this preface that I point the faithful readershipt to this excerpt by Jacob Weisberg from the introduction to "The Deluxe Election-Edition Bushims." Thanks go to the young advocate Alejandro, who sent me the link, and is arguably possessed of the sharpest legal acumen to come out of El Paso since the Hon. Sandra Day.

2004-05-12T07:59:00.000-07:00

Nord and Hoov go down with the ship

2004-05-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

Nord's hipster cottage on left.

2004-05-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

Nord and the future missus in Greenwich Village blues bar.

RIP Hubert Selby Jr.

2004-05-11T08:59:00.000-07:00

On the anniversary of my birth in the year 2002, Dedman sent me a package of two DVDs. One, Caged Heat, is a entertaining prison chick movie which makes for some entertaining viewing. The other, Requiem for a Dream, needs no introduction. The Counselor has oft lauded the virtues of Darren Aronofsky and his filmography (that being the mind-numbing breakout film, Pi, and Requiem).

It is, therefore, with great bewilderment, that I note the Counselor's failure to comment upon this.

Market Driven Equinox

2004-05-11T06:48:00.000-07:00

Surely there was no harm in following Dedman's link to yon Randolph's blog, until I began to question why a person to whom I am only tangentially related would be counting down the days until my wedding, i.e. 185 days until November 13, 2004. Being smarter than the average bear, I immediately began to suspect something, and followed the rabbit hole to find out that Randy and his bride to be also have dibs on the 318th day of the leap year.

Troublesome. Does this mean that the counselor will not be attending Nordstrom and Hoover's nuptials in favor of he with whom he has longer ties? The counselor already tossed the real Nordstrom aside earlier this week in favor of an older (and, I like to think, fatter and balder) Quasi-Nordstrom. Will the same go for his Boozefest-Hole Crawl-"Don't touch my stripper money lest you be kicked in the jaw"-contemporaries?

The Land of Gaudi

2004-05-08T14:48:00.000-07:00

I don't think I've ever posted a movie review. Since dedman's over yonder throwing his favorite criticism around (detritus) about VanHelsing, I thought it a good time to post the review of the fantastic film I netflixed recently, L'auberge Espanol (The Spanish Apartment).

A wonderful film which falls victim to none of the trite pigeonholes the counselor references to deride summer blockbusters, it is instead a simple tale of a young Parisian who ventures to Barcelona at the advice of his father's uber-wealthy friend. The advice given the protagonist is that the EU is the wave of the future, and moneybags tells him to go to Spain, learn Spanish, and study economics.

What ensues is a cinematic rendering of leaving the nest with which anyone who's ever lived abroad is all too familiar: the initial excitement giving way to tepid regret and uncertaintly, only to blossom into a, well, worldly experience.

What makes this movie so enjoyable is that it is set in Barcelona, a city of which I am quite fond. Having spent a good portion of the Summer 2000 adventure living on the bear killer's floor in a little studio apartment on the Passeig Luis Pellicer, I came to love the hotbed of Catalan nationalism. The spirit of the Catalan people is present throughout the movie. There is a poignant scene when the exchange students ask their professor if he could please speak Castillian, and the prof sternly responds that, as they are in Cataluna, they will speak Catalan, and all other be damned. Or something like that. Eventually, our protagonist learns Catalan and "puta madre" Spanish, and his experience truly begins to take shape. Along the way he meets a group of foreigners who are living in a communal apartment, hence the moniker of the film. There is love lost and found during the year he studies in Barcelona, and it all makes for some great hijinks and a film which is truly remarkable for its simplicity. Also notable is the supporting role of the girlfriend left behind, played by Amalie's Audrey Tatou.

This is not your father's Green Card

2004-05-05T11:43:00.000-07:00

Things are abuzz o'er younder at the League of Melbotis. Apparently a friend of Melbotis' master was having difficulty with his cross-border romance, which reminded me of this tale of woe from our very own Houston Press.

I am a deadbeat blogger

2004-05-03T14:46:00.000-07:00

Weekend in Austin. Last week very busy. This week very busy.

Picked up the new L'il Cap'n Travis album in Austin this weekend. They will become very rich and famous, and will likely have their own 747.

More news of the Terrorfist

2004-04-28T08:22:00.000-07:00

This morning CNN, FoxNews, and MSNBC were all carrying the same fuzzy video phone feed of something burning in Fallujah. There was a marine sniper atop a building, and every once in a while when the camera steadied, you could see a can of Sprite, no doubt used for refreshment. Sure, the situation in Fallujah is certainly worthy of coverage, but not of the omnipresent "must not leave the feed for fear of missing something Pulitzer worthy" type.

All the while I was watching nothing happening on the three mainstream outlets, there was another nothing transpiring. Nothing was being said about the attacks on the Embassies in Damascus last night. according to Debka

"US and UK close Damascus embassies and warn nationals to be vigilant after terrorists unleashed explosions, grenades, rockets and automatic fire on diplomatic quarter of Syrian capital Tuesday night. Reports of four buildings set on fire including UN offices and shootout at Canadian embassy.

Syrian ambassador blamed al Qaeda for strike and declared his government on America’s side in war on terror."

Perhaps Al Qaeda was reeling to do something of scale now that the gas bombing plot was foiled. (incidentally, this also received very little press on this side of the pond). Syria now avowedly "with us?"

Why must the mainstream media continually fail to report on incredibly newsworthy events in this manner?

In other news, Mary Kate Olsen might have an eating disorder.

Rainy Day in Houston

2004-04-25T11:59:00.000-07:00

It's a good rain, but there's been an awful lot of it. Succulents do not like it very much.
Here's hoping the auditions went well.

Welcome Home, JD

2004-04-21T06:40:00.000-07:00

As Dedman reports today, he's returning to the city from whence he came. A long road indeed is that I-10 West, made shorter by a jaunt across the Lynchburg ferry. Perhaps he would be wise to scope the Houston Survival Guide and give me a call...

His visit is all the more untimely, given that I am to travel to Beaumont tomorrow for the same sort of activity, and had intended that we might enjoy lunch. An unfortunate juxtaposition yielding fewer boozefest opportunities.

Not a Good Time to be a Hamas Leader

2004-04-18T12:02:00.000-07:00

Well, it seems the average tenure of a Hamas leader these days is roughly akin to that of a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Israel assassinated the Hamas leader, Abdel Aziz al-Rantisi, roughly one month after he succeeded Sheik Rassin, also felled by a pinpoint strike.

In other incredible important news which has yet to be spoken about in the mainstream Western media, debka is reporting the killing of a top Al-Qaeda officer in Chechnya, Abu al-Walid al-Ghamdi, who is alleged to have been in charge of selecting a contingent of Chechen militants to aid in the fight in the Sunni Triangle. His death marks a serious blow to the Al-Qaeda operation in the much-beleaguered Russian republic, and is a considerable victory for the United States' efforts to stamp out the global scourge of Al-Qaeda. It will also, undoubtedly, make Pres. Putin very happy.

House Maj. Leader DeLay is a deadbeat blogger

2004-04-16T15:03:00.000-07:00

Why does Rep. Cantor post his letter to his house.gov site the day it is sent to the commission, yet Rep. DeLay's most recent post is from March 17?

Rep. Cantor's Letter

2004-04-16T14:58:00.000-07:00

Chairman Thomas H. Kean
National Commission on Terrorist Attacks upon the United States
301 7th Street, SW
Room 5125
Washington , DC 20407

April 15, 2004

Dear Commissioner Kean:

As an American and Member of Congress, I have watched the National Commission on Terrorist Attacks upon the United States proceedings with great interest. I am deeply disturbed by the partisan nature of the hearings and the opinionated statements and dogmatic interviews from some of the Commissioners. Congress charged the Commission, the entire Commission, with a sacred duty to find truth and avoid partisanship and sensationalism. So far, the Commission has failed in this responsibility.

Unfortunately, the recent tone of the Commission has become that of opportunism and assigning blame. I have observed hearings and interviews in which allegedly impartial members of the fact-finding Commission are clearly attacking for partisan gain. I would like an explanation as to why Commission members are granting interviews and sharing opinions before the investigation has been completed.

The Commission has been asked to be judges of our preparation for and response to the 9-11 attacks, not to be advocates, shills or ideologues for a cause or party. I do not look to silence the Commission, but to encourage an unbiased search for truth.

The Commission was created to examine the weaknesses and strengths in our national security network. The Commission’s charge is to ascertain, evaluate, and report on the evidence developed by all relevant governmental agencies regarding the facts and circumstances surrounding the 9-11 attacks, the solutions put into place after that attack, as well as suggest new alternatives to further buttress homeland security.

The Commission is a separate, non-partisan entity created to build upon previous House and Senate 9-11 investigations and not be influenced by Congress. I agree with this necessary separation and am very reluctant to see Congress react before the Commission has had time to examine the facts and issue a comprehensive report.

The Commission’s myopic approach is too concentrated on pointing a finger at a single action or an individual rather than examining the long-term, systemic problems that led us to 9-11 and measuring the effectiveness of the broad-based reforms that were put in place after 9-11.

The decade-long pattern of attacks against Americans and American interests should have been a wakeup call to the federal law enforcement and intelligence communities. It appears that barriers were put in place between agencies, atrophy set in, counterterrorism funding was cut and a coordinated national response was lacking. This was not an eight-month problem of President Bush’s, but rather a systemic decade-long problem.

What has also been lacking from these hearings is a review and evaluation of the lessons learned since September 11th. Those attacks made Americans realize that we must take steps to improve security. With the leadership of the President, Congress took bold measures to make those changes. Now we need to know if those efforts were enough, or if there is more we can do to protect lives. (Editor's Note: Precisely.)

It is my hope that the Commission will not remain hijacked by politics. Americans died on Sept. 11, 2001 and more have died since trying to protect America . Ideological demagoguery must not replace the Commission’s duty to do everything possible to examine the complete responses of both Presidents Clinton and Bush to worldwide terrorism.

The American people expect a real and valuable product from the Commission. They expect a report that is not a short-term tool for partisan gain but a timeless guide that dissects a national tragedy and offers valuable analysis and prevention. With these goals in mind, I hope that the Commission will renew its commitment to examine these weighty national issues accurately and fairly.

Sincerely,

/S/

Hon. Eric Cantor

cc: Vice Chair Lee H. Hamilton

Pigs Flying in a Frozen Hell?

2004-04-16T14:07:00.000-07:00

Dear god. I think I might just agree with Tom DeLay.

Will try and post the text of the letter as it is made available.

"The Commish"

2004-04-15T11:51:00.000-07:00

I have been following the public hearings of the 9/11 commission on KPFT, our local Houston Pacifica Radio Station. From what I've been able to glean, and what I've read in the published reports, I offer the following observation.

I do not think this will be the silver bullet for which the DNC had hoped. Clearly, the intelligence failures in the months and years preceding 9/11 cross administration, and party, lines. Surely then, the benefit which shall be obtained will not be the crucifixion of Bush 43 (much to the Democrat hardliners' dismay). While I take issue with the Bush administration on a number of its policies, I was never one fool enough to believe that this could be painted in such a way to indict the administration and lay upon it the mantle of proximate cause. Nor did I want to. (Editor's Note: As far as I'm concerned, so long as 43 can concentrate on finishing the fight, and keep his f**ing hands off the Supreme Court and the Constitution, I'll be right as rain.)

The Clinton administration was equally to blame for the failures and ineptitude which led to 9/11. One the one hand, you have the failure of the traditional sort (underfunding, understaffing, lack of cooperation amongst branches), and on the other, you have the Somalia-syndrome, which was purely a Clinton administration blunder. Thankfully, 43 has made considerable strides to demonstrate that the U.S. shall never again turn tail like we did in Mogadishu. Unfortunately, there are a great number of Iraqi dissidents who have not yet gotten the message. Hopefully, before the end of the occupation, they shall.

No, I believe that the true benefit to be gained from the commission's investigation is the surfacing of the problems which have plagued the CIA/NSA/FBI for far too long. Clearly, we are beginning to understand that the failure owed itself primarily to a lack of cooperation and transparency amongst the intelligence gathering branches. Furthermore, the CIA itself lacked the technical capacity to gather and disseminate the immense amounts of data on those who sought to do harm. One of the commission members put it best when he described it as an inability of the CIA to "know what it knew." In the wake of the commission, we can only hope to learn from our earlier shortcomings which enabled the terrorists to operate, with few exceptions, without detection and intervention. This, in turn, should lead to a revitalization of our intelligence gathering capabilities sufficient to gather and analyze the information necessary to effectively defend agasint future attacks.

Incidentally, while listening to the commission hearings, I was reminded of a press conference Rumsfeld gave a week or two before the attacks which spotlighted a similar chronic communication breakdown within the ranks of the Pentagon itself. Curiously, until now, the administration has remained rather mum on this topic. I guess they've had far much more proactive endeavours to worry about than upgrading the computer system.

Remember the Alamo

2004-04-12T11:38:00.000-07:00

As Dedman notes, this past weekend marked the opening of the "long-awaited" feature film, the Alamo. Although I have not seen the film yet, I continue to hold out hope that the film's producers will have found a place for Donovan Leitch's brilliant song regarding the famed battle for the San Antonio mission. While the bare lyrics do the song no justice, I include them nonetheless (edited for accuracy):

"880 were challenged by Travis to die
By a line that he drew with his sword as the battle drew nigh
A man that crossed over the line was for glory
And he that was left better fly
And over the line crossed 179
Hey Up Santa Anna, they're killing your soldiers below
So the rest of Texas will know
And remember the Alamo

Jim Bowie lay dying, his blood and his powder were dry
But his knife at the ready to take him a few in reply
Young Davy Crocket lay laughing and dying
The blood and the sweat in his eyes
For Texas and freedom a man was more willing to die
Hey Up Santa Anna, they're killing your soldiers below
So the rest of Texas will know
And remember the Alamo

A courier came to a battle once bloody and loud
And found only skin and bones where he once left a crowd
Fear not little darling of dying
If this world be sovereign and free
For we'll fight to the last for as long as liberty be
Hey Up Santa Anna, they're killing your soldiers below
So the rest of Texas will know
And remember the Alamo"

Apparently the MP3 is available for download here, but I refuse to click "yes" and the site hates me...

I will see you on Good Friday

2004-04-09T09:50:00.000-07:00

That was always one of the Black Crowes' weakest songs. Come to think about it, they had an awful lot of really weak songs post "Money Maker." But seriously, today's far too beautiful to stay indoors typing away.

Perhaps a round of golf is in order. We shall see.

What's really number one on my list is trying to find a sunrise screening of "The Passion" this Easter. I figure, since the entirety of the Christian population of the earth is rushing to instill Mel Gibson as the successor to Pope John Paul II, certainly we can begin by substituting traditional worship services for an early morning popcorn and coke viewing of his uber-successful historical narrative.

Note to Trey and Matt - the feces was a bit much...

New Links Added

2004-04-08T08:31:00.000-07:00

Have added Raed and Healing Iraq to the blog links. Healing Iraq states it is a blog by an Iraqi dentist concerning post-Saddam Iraq. He has a number of interesting links on his blog, and, time permitting, I will check them out and possibly create an Iraq-Blogger specialty heading.

All in hopes of getting the real story...

Show down with Al-Sadr

2004-04-07T12:14:00.000-07:00

Of course, the mainstream press wants to characterize the impending showdown with Al-Sadr as the cataclysmic event which will lead to the undoing of the coalition.

Although I do not consider myself a scholar of the Iraqi Social order, I find it interesting to note that debkafile is reporting that the Mahdi brigades are being funded by Tehran. I recognize two distinct intentions from the neighbour to the east: First, draw the U.S. forces into a protracted firefight with Mahdi guerillas, increasing the U.S. body count while the opposition sentiment rises proportionately at home. Second, in the event that the American street proves willing to stay the course, provoke the U.S. into engaging Tehran directly, which will be portrayed as further "proof" of the Americans' imperialist agenda.

Nonetheless, I believe that Raed's blog can offer some insight. I do not pretend that I have enough (or any) information from the mainstream western outlets to form a rational conclusion regarding the current goings-on in Iraq. Raed, on the other hand, has been blogging under fear of death since before the invasion began last year. I find his post on Al-Sadr particularly informative:

"You have to be careful about what you say about al-Sadir. Their hands reach every where and you don't want to be on their shit list. Every body, even the GC is very careful how they formulate their sentences and how they describe Sadir's Militias. They are thugs, thugs thugs. There you have it.

I was listening to a representative of al-sadir on TV saying that the officers at police stations come to offer their help and swear allegiance. Habibi, if they don't they will get killed and their police station "liberated". Have we forgotten the threat al-Sadir issued that Iraqi security forces should not attack their revolutionary brothers, or they will have to suffer the consequences.

Dear US administration,
Welcome to the next level. Please don't act surprised and what sort of timing is that it: planning to go on a huge attack on the west of Iraq and provoking a group you know very well (I pray to god you knew) that they are trouble makers."

I for one, have confidence that GW intends to stay the course, but I don't feel that he is doing a good job of getting this message across. Remember when we invaded Iraq, and everyone was talking about how we couldn't do like Mogadishu and cut-n-run at the first sign of U.S. Casualties? Remember when four civilian contractors were brutally murdered and set on fire and 44% of Americans felt we should withdraw our troops.

Although I don't necessarily believe that Saddam posed an iminent threat (and I didn't then either), I have always felt that we should have gone back to remove him from power long ago, and, despite our obvious pretext for war, we returned to keep our word. Regardless of motive and consequences be damned, we must stay the course. The problem is, this course may well prove itself to be a marathon, and this 26th mile could very well be a lot more unpleasant than turning the corner at Park South and getting a faceful of horse manure-stank...

Back to the So'

2004-04-05T12:22:00.000-07:00

A whirlwind trip it turned out to be this past week in NYC. Apart from the subject matter of my champagne fueled guerilla post, the trip was wildly succesful.

I was introduced to a number of people "in the know" in this business, and hopefully, made a good impression. I met some others who already told me I made a good impression, so those don't count. All in all, we did a lot of good business, ate more steak than should be legally allowed, and had a fantastic time all around. Unless you count the drunken wake up call at 7:00 (6:00) after forgetting dedman's advice to spring ahead.

Tonight, I must unfortunately forego the traditional Passover Seder to worship at an altar of a different sort - The Church of the Houston Astros. It's opening night, and we will be praising the name of Drayton as we witness our beloved Astros take on the San Francisco Giants, and their "metabolically advanced" slugger, Barry "Ain't got No Neck" Bonds.

It's been a haze of emails and phone calls to all the people who need to know, and brain-racking for those we've forgotten. Oh well, as they say, tomorrow is another day...

Then it Begins Anew

2004-04-03T12:44:00.000-08:00

Today, at the center of Shakespeare's Garden in Central Park, NYC, I asked Roberta Hoover to be my wife, and much to my joy, she accepted.

Am in the basement of the Ritz-Carlton on Central Park South, and am a bit drunk on Taittenger. Will update when the Dirty So' is reached tomorrow...

Manhattan

2004-03-31T19:33:00.000-08:00

Man, this crazy hattin'...

A thousand apologies for the lack of blogging this week (to the two readers). The presentation for the insurance company has monopolized every waking moment that I didn't spend bleeding for nothing (see previous blog). Am currently sitting in the lobby of the Club Quarters Downtown, with belly full o' Delmonicos ribeye.

One note of importance is that we drove by ground zero earlier this evening, and, although it was dark and I haven't been in the city in the last decade, I am moved. The weather did not permit a full appreciation of the gaping hole left in the Manhattan skyline, but nonetheless, there is a blank spot where there used to be the twin towers.

I will do my best to update as I can during the sojourn to the land of my etiology, but I can make no promises.

On another note, I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind last weekend with my fair lady friend, and I heartily concur in Dedman's review.

My bosses beckon. God save the United States, and this honorable Court.....

Here's hoping my Con Law 101 goes over well...

Club DeVille

2004-03-29T14:03:00.000-08:00

As the deadbeat blog on the blogger.com home page announced, blogger.com hosted a boozefest during SXSW at Club DeVille. Those of you who know me know of the special affinity I hold for this esteemed establishment. Not only does the Club occupy a very unique physical setting (which, not unimportantly, is far enough away from the hustle and bustle of sixth street to dissuade the cadres of UT jackasses while still enabling a late-night Hoek's run) but my brother has been a bartender there since the place opened. Well, almost the whole time, but no use splitting hairs about it. This, of course, means that I haven't paid full price for a drink in almost seven years.

And by the by, is that picture captioned "Dazed and Confused?" none other that Mitchy "what the hell happened to my career" Kramer? Apparently, my aforementioned hermano encountered him at a party one night, and he was still riding high on his wave of supposed fame. This, of course, came crashing down around him when the world realized that it takes a lot more that pinching the bridge of one's nose to accurately convey true human suffering in a cinematic context. Note to Dedman, if Wyatt pinched his nose more, maybe some of the hacks would quit whining about "not enough plot."

Terrestrial Reengineering

2004-03-28T08:35:00.000-08:00

I wish I had the ability to post photos on the site, but I'm far too cheap to upgrade. Nonethless, I finished my dramatic landscape drainage project yesterday. It was quite the aggressive undertaking, re-routing what was once the swampy muckland near my front door into a gravelled low-level collection area some fifteen feet away. Throw in a little Egyptian Papyrus and Giant Rudbeckia, and it should make for an interesting summer. The only downside? Coming home at 2:00 last night, drunk as a sailor, and, after deciding that the papyrus needed a bit of touching up, cutting my foot on the steel pipe holding the sidewalk together.

Remember the scene in the forest from Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail? 'Tis but a flesh wound...After I wound up bleeding all over my kitchen, I dressed the wound and went to bed. Only to wake up six hours later to come to work on a Sunday. I certainly don't mind putting in a little extra today, as it will enable me to make a lasting impression on the firm's business trip to New York. Oh yeah.

TRIOTV.COM

2004-03-25T12:25:00.000-08:00

I have recently become a fan of a fairly new cable network, TRIO. Marketed as the channel for shows that TV forgot, I have seen some quality programs of late. One of the shows, "Shocked," tells the story of the horrible mistake shockwave.com committed during the apex of the Tech Bubble when they commissioned Trey Parker and Matt Stone (of South Park Infamy) to make 39 episodes of a flash animated web cartoon called "Princess." The two took the two million dollars, told shockwave.com they were going to make an x-rated cartoon, and ran with it. All the while, Shockwave allowed them full creative control. Until they saw the final product. You can register to see the never-before-released pilot of "Princess" at www.triotv.com. You only thought you'd seen it all.

There was another show on recently called Dial H-I-S-T-O-R-Y (1997). Helmed by Johan Grimonprez, the description billed the show as an examination of the interplay between television media and airplance hijackings. In reality, it was more of a documentary on the history of terrorism. I consider myself to be a fairly well informed member of the electorate, but I was completely taken aback at this rather irreverant look at global hijacking. I highly recommend it.

The Bane of My Existence

2004-03-25T09:32:00.000-08:00

Let's talk for a minute about Fantasy Golf. It's a simple enough premise: pick one golfer per tournament, and you "earn" whatever money they win that week. The catch: you can only choose a golfer once during the 40 week season.

I'm currently fourth from last in the group of 38. Translation: I suck. This week, a number of factors led me to select the World's No. 1, Tiger Woods. Not only is the winner taking home $1.5M from the TPC at Sawgrass (a course which, incidentally, I own on Tiger Woods 2004), but Mr. Woods has always been one to bounce back from a poor showing to silence his critics.

Unfortunately, Tiger stands at +3 with one hole to play, which will make this his fourth consecutive round over par. Another performance like this tomorrow, and he will miss his first cut in 119 appearances; thus, ending his hopes of breaking that record, too, and dashing my hopes of a come from behind victory in the pool.

As a consolation, here is what I propose. All Vegas and London bookmakers take note. Call me on Wednesday afternoon, and I'll tell you who I picked. That way, you can drive the odds sky high on whomever it is, because chances are, they're going to eat ass that week. All I ask in return is a Gulfstream Jet and an Island in Bora Bora.

Seems fair to me.

Killer on the Loose across the Street

2004-03-24T14:10:00.000-08:00

There is a killer on the loose in the quiet, upscale community of West University Place. Some time ago, he attempted to abduct a lady who works for the Houston Press, and more recently, it is believed he murdered a HCC professor at a car wash for no apparent reason.

Speculation abounds as to his motive - he fled from the attempted abduction with the first lady's purse, but took nothing from the murder victim.

The Houston Press is offering a monetary reward for information leading to his capture.

In the Interest of Full Disclosure

2004-03-24T07:22:00.000-08:00

I heard this guy on KPFT 90.1 last night. Without commenting on his accuracy, or lack thereof, I leave that for you to decide.

Midnight Madness

2004-03-23T15:14:00.000-08:00

When I was but a lad, I recall a movie my brother and I used to love a movie called "Midnight Madness." It seems, in mid-late 80's, this film was a staple on the HBO circuit. I recently rented the DVD from netflix. After all, in the words of the great Frank Zappa: "it is not always necessary to picture the world ending in fire and brimstone. There are two other distinct possibilities. The first is paperwork, the other, nostalgia."

In short, it is a movie about five teams composed of stereotypical cliques from a nameless college in California who are enticed by Leon, the Game Master, to compete in an all night scavenger hunt across the city of LA, dubbed, appropriately "The Great All-Nighter." As you can probably surmise, all kinds of hijinks ensue in the race to be the first to the finish line amongst the jocks, geeks, sorority chicks, spoiled rich kids, and average joes.

The ensemble cast includes David Naughton, of "An American Werewolf in London" fame, as well as Stephen Furst, better known to you and me as "Flounder." Also noteworthy is the appearance of Michael Fox in his first feature film role as the juvenile delinquent Scott. Interestingly, Fox had not yet adopted the middle initial "J," which I have always heard was a substitute for his true middle initial "A." As the story goes, the yound Michael Fox wanted to avoid the inevitable Tiger Beat headlines proclaiming "Michael is A. Fox." And the rest, as they say is history...

Also of note, as reported by IMDB.com, the movie provided the inspiration for the 1997 Michael Douglas thriller, "The Game." Although I have a hard time seeing how.

Not a Good Day

2004-03-22T20:39:00.000-08:00

We were supposed to leave Ft. Lauderdale this morning at 6:30. Accordingly, we woke around 5:00 a.m., although neither of us really slept because of the youngster. Every so often, Lil' Jakey would bash his face against the headboard, let out a moan, and have to be soothed by his daddy.

A bit of sidebar here. I have never been less than an hour early to a non-Southwest flight. Never. Yet last night, when it was suggested by a local that we need be there only 30 minutes prior to departure, it made perfect sense to have the youngster enrapt in the misery of the airport wait for as little time as possible. This would prove to be our downfall.

When we approached the Continental counter at exactly 6:03 a.m., we were rudely informed by the ticket lady that the check-in for our flight had closed, and we were out of luck. Looking mournfully upon the baby, I turned back to her as if to suggest that the proper thing to do would be to bend the rules so that the child who had only recently awoken from his slumber would not be made to suffer the indignity and uncertainty of flying standby. Apparently, South Floridian ticket clerk's don't care about babies. Perhaps this was her way of proving to the travelling public at large that in the space between the nylon ropes and the carpeted logo wall, she is the king. Maybe she was just an asshole.

Needless to say, the 9:00 came and went, and the only standby folks who got on was a fella named Champaigne and his boyfriend. The counter agents at that gate didn't give a damn, either. It was not until the 12:10 flight that the first Continental employees showed the tiniest shred of human decency, and Capt. Webster gave up his seat to fly in the cockpit jumpseat.

Also needless to say, the unanticipated 6 hour delay in a really crappy airport was perhaps the most miserable domestic travelling experience thus far.

I would hazard that I'm not allowed to say that I will have my revenge....

On ze Road

2004-03-21T12:17:00.000-08:00

Here it is, a sunny Florida afternoon, and the toughest decision is whether to swim at the house, or at the country club, where the flunkies cart mai tais like nobody's business.

On a different note, we recently marked the one-year anniversary of the Iraq occupationliberationjustifiednotjustifiednobloodforoilthepriceoffreedomiseternalvigilance conflict. There has been quite a bit of low brow political wrangling here in the appendix of N.America, so rather than embroil myself with this topic in the little time I have here at my Spam Master Uncle's office, it behooves me to direct you to a more authoritative source on the subject, my very own cousin, Capt. Adam J. Becker, United States Marine Force.

Back tomorrow

In praise of a seasoned blogger

2004-03-19T12:12:00.000-08:00

I would like to thank jdedman.com for his inspiration and tutelage in getting this bad boy off the ground.

So' Flo'

2004-03-19T11:31:00.000-08:00

Alas, this evening I will embark on a mission to South Florida, where I will join the matriarchs family in celebration of my Grandmother's 85th birthday. My mother, as yet unaffected by this cultural phenomenon you and I call "the internet," remains saddled with a dial-up compuserve connection, and can hardly be considered one of the "future." Therefore, the chances of updating with yarns of drunken spring break revelers are slim at best.

2004-03-19T09:26:00.000-08:00

I saw this week's South Park last night. I recorded it on replaytv; thus, this will begin my grass roots campaign to wrest the public spotlight away from the much-ballyhooed TiVo, which is, in nearly every respect, a far inferior system.
Anyway, spoiler's here...
The boys are enrapt by the ninja weapons at the county fair. Even Kenny can afford the ninja stars, which are a measly $1.99. When the weapons are donned, the boys become ninja warriors a la Dragonball Z. During a particularly intense battle of martial artistry between the 4 and the menacing Professor Chaos, the erstwhile Chaos, thinking he has the 4 ninjas trapped in his net, is struck in the eye with Kenny's ninja star. Realizing they are in deep trouble if their parents learn of their exploits with amateur ninjitsu, Cartman proposes they kill Butters and bury him in Stan's yard. Thankfully, they decide against this course of action, choosing instead to take Butters (ninja star still firmly implanted in skull) to the town vet. Of course, this requires they first disguise Butters as a dog. On the way to the vet, the boys are challenged to a ninja duel by a rival faction of 4th graders. During the ensuing melee, Butters escapes from captivity and winds up in the pound. Eventually, he escapes, and the boys (who have now teamed with their rivals to find Butters before their parents get wise) discover he is on the other side of the fair. However, to reach Butters means they must first get passed the auction, which all of their parents are attending. No problem, says Cartman, and using his "powers of invisibility" begins to tip toe across the stage. In the real world, of course, he is no ninja, rather, a naked nine year old exposing his loins to the entire town. He is discovered shortly before Butters, dressed like a dog with a ninja star stuck in his face, comes to the stage and collapses.
Cut to the auditorium where an "emergency town meeting" is being held, presumably to address the horrible injury that has befallen poor Butters. However, after much rabble-rousing, we discover that no one in town cares about fourth graders playing violent ninja games with ilicit weaponry. Rather, the town is outraged at the little boy's penis - there were children present at the auction, and children watching at home with their parents when the little boy exposed himself in such an obscene and appalling fashion. "How do we explain this to our kids?" They all exclaim. Cartman, apparently unfazed, replies "I told you guys it was a wardrobe malfunction."
Moral of the story: so long as adults have sex-things to complain about, they don't give a shit about violence.

And if any of you missed it, and have a replaytv, let me know and I'll email it to you. Can you do that, TiVo????

2004-03-18T16:01:00.000-08:00

Initializing countdown...
Apparently people like "The Passion" so much, they're fabricating stigmata these days

Here's hoping I don't become a deadbeat.